by Tim Trueheart

D. S. Halacy's Cyborg: Evolution of the Superman in 1965 featured an introduction which spoke of a "new frontier" that was "not merely space, but more profoundly the relationship between 'inner space' to 'outer space' – a bridge...between mind and matter."[3]

    Interesting idea huh? The concept of cyborgs is not a new idea nor is it even that far off in the future. Realistically there are already cyborgs walking among us everyday.

And I’m not talking about that Cyborg.

I’m talking about these cyborgs.

    What actually got me interested in cyborgs was the concept of bio-hacking, or Do-it-yourself biology, and also this online community know as DIYbio, an informal umbrella organization for individuals and local groups active in do-it-yourself biology.

    How long until some guy says, “I don’t want my penis anymore, I want a robot dick,” then he chops off his hog in hopes of getting himself a Vader stick, or a Johhny 5? Excuse me, a Johhny 9½?

Right now being a bio-hacker is hot, and being a cpu hacker is not. Who cares about doing shit online when you can change your very own body? Sure you could change your body by sitting in front of  your LCD screen 24/7 playing Starcraft but you’d develop a gut, a flat ass, and a hump… not to mention permanently orange fingertips (thanks Chester Cheetah).

Bio-hackers and wannabe Cyborgs are the next big thing and if you want to be cool you’ve gotta hop on the bandwagon like Jax, from Mortal Kombat.

   With online forums the bio-hacking community is actually pushing ahead of our medical industry, and finding answers to questions you probably haven’t even thought about.

    Who doesn’t want to solve the weight-loss puzzle solved? Or the zit issue? Let us stop our faces from getting moles, sunspots, and wrinkles why don’t we! We’re not idiots… of course not, that’s why you’re reading this blog because you’re a BAMF (bad-ass-mother-fucker). I usually say futhamucka, but the abbreviation for that would be BAFM, and wouldn’t be as cool.

    We must hack our own bodies, minds, and souls…Wait souls? YES, our souls... Can we even hack our souls? Dunno, but I’m going to try!

    Imagine hacking your soul. I’d turn my give-a-fuck-meter down to zero just to see how gangster it feels. Then I’d flip the script and go straight “Ghandi” on the knuckleheads. I’d get all “Jesus” on the douchebags and start levitating in front of em like, “And what now fool? The messiah floating all up in this bitch! Look at me now, look at me now, I’m your savior!”

    Before we start soul hacking we must first hack our bodies, and minds. Now, I don’t know exactly how that works. It’s definitely a ‘Chicken or the Egg’ situation. What do you hack first, your body, or your brain? I imagine I’d want to hack my brain first to make sure my mind worked right ensuring I could follow through on my body hacks. Hmm, this question may send me back to the drawing board. The hardest thing about going back to the drawing board is realizing how much your drawing suck.





D. S. Halacy, Cyborg: Evolution of the Superman (New York: Harper and Row Publishers, 1965), 7.


by Tim Trueheart

As long as I can remember I’ve always been an individual.

When everyone clinked their glasses together after a touchdown my drink always had the umbrella.

    YES, I’m into “floofy concepts,” like astrology, numerology, and Self-help books. I don’t know why, it’s just the way I am… It’s probably because I’m an ENFP. (Uh-Oh, I started talking all that liberal mumbo jumbo again).

   ENFP refers to a personality type from the MYERS-BRIGGS personality test. I am one of the most “leftist-liberal” types of people based off this personality scale. You should definitely take one of these tests, especially if you’ve never taken one because the results are very accurate, and interesting to say the least.


Check it out here:

    It seems like rightwing conservatives don’t read horoscopes, do personality tests, or talk to psychics. I don’t know why, other than because of something in their DNA (I don’t really believe it’s in their DNA, it’s entirely something else that I don’t understand). I'm interested in many things conservative right wingers aren’t, including; meditation, floatation tanks, and energy work. I do it because I want to be the best I can be, and I think it might help.

“I think you need to get high and look through a telescope.” -Joe Rogan

    I do Joe, I do. I definitely have astigmatism in my third eye, and I want it out! SO, if I holding a crystal in my hand while reciting chants helps elevate me to another level of consciousness... 

Then my only question is, "Where can I setup my (yoga) mat?"

Yoga is a really important part of my life: which is why I should probably do it more than once a month.

try to put out positive energy wherever I go.

This guy knows what I'm talking about... POSITIVE ENERGY!

This guy knows what I'm talking about... POSITIVE ENERGY!

    I also like the Enneagram website, it’s filled with a ton of interesting stuff about personality. I like how you can use it to cross reference your relationship compatibility with your mate. Don’t let them know you’re doing this though because they might feel “some type of way” about it. (Only if they’re a righty though).

Check it out here:

There is the feng shui of your personality...

Check it out here:

There is your Chinese animal, and it’s element...

Check it out here:

And the Dewey Color System...

Check it out here:

This is one of my favorite colors to surround myself with when i’m working.

    I review this stuff, comparing and contrasting my results, trying to learn everything I can about my “default settings,” because there’s no manual on how to be human. (I’m not talking about the Bible, Torah, or the Koran here either. I’m only saying there aren’t IKEA instructions, for people). But, there are people who came before us and have information we don’t, and if I can benefit from their research then you bet your ass I’m going to check it out. I’m a competitive person (whatever that means) and if reading my horoscope gives me an edge, then so be it!

Good Luck,




by Tim Trueheart

    No doubt about it, people are nuts, and the world is crazy! Well, just when you thought nothing else could surprise you. BAM, that weirdo with the beard from that cubicle that smells like testicles sends you a link from, (NSFW Or, something like this.

HOLY SHIT! What is wrong with people?

    There's one thing you never see in those crazy daredevil compilation videos, and that’s Black people. Never! You don't see a lot of black people climbing anything, except ladders to cut down nets after winning basketball games, and fences, while they're running from the police (I've seen this in movies).     My point is, black people usually like to stay in their lane, (except the 20+ brothers in the NHL, link, ... and that's why, you don't see a lot of black rock climbers. There'd be some dumb black dude boycotting crane climbing like,      "I ain't hanging from no futhamuckin girder, so some futhamucker can call me a monkey!"

    Unfortunately that same futhamucka might possibly enjoy watching fools get straight up beatdown on sites like WORLDSTARHIPHOP.COM.

    By the way, I love all of these videos and acknowledge that I am part of the problem. The clip in the tweet below is so disturbing it's worth checking out. You know you want to, so just do it, click that link.

    Yeah, did you see that giant dude putting those futhamuckas to sleep? OMG, how scary! How gangster are kids these days? I'm getting nervous just thinking about the "knockout" game. It's really pretty terrifying... Imagine someone trying to knock you out for no reason, and it's also sucker punch... Makes me want to get out my chuks like,


    Switching gears, now I'd like to talk about an article I read last night...

    So, for years now I've basically thought Kim Jong Un was crazy, and he is, but I had no idea how crazy he was until yesterday when I read an article that said every man in North Korea has to have their haircut exactly like him! WTF? Are you shitting me? And to make matters worse, as if they can get any worse they're already in North Korea. The hair-doo, known as the “New Leader” is a that same piece of crap hairstyle from the mid 90’s I'm sure we all remember... And every dude has to rock it. What a flustercuck! 

    This was the popular British boy band Take That, but the haircut is more like, Fuck That!

    But how can I even talk smack when this is what I was rocking in the 2000’s?

I look like a "felicia"

I look like a "felicia"

Nonetheless, things happen that I just can’t believe and another my prime example is James Charles Harries. Think you’re ready? Buckle up, because Here-We-Go! 

NOW, let's, for sure, check out that whole music video!

    OKAY, so that happened. The world is crazy and the internet is helping us realize it file by file, video by video, dick pic by dick pic. Or, in Lauren's case, weird pic of an inside-out hotdog with a hole like a bullfrog where a johnson used to be by weird pic of an inside-out hotdog with a hole like a bullfrog where a johnson used to be. Remember, these are jokes. (I know, I'm going to hell when I die).

Take Care,


BLOG #13:!

by Tim Trueheart

I'm officially into blogging and it's making me focus more on my own website and getting more traffic there. I have always been into twitter, and I am taking this opportunity to put some of my tweets on my own website. I'm not saying these are the funniest tweets ever but they are an example of what I do, and how I write. I think my tweets are dope. I'm not saying I'm speical. In one of my blog posts I said "FUCK being famous. I'm about being PROFESSIONAL!" while also having typos in that very same blog post.

Good luck,




by Tim Trueheart

    I know it’s ironic how often I use the hashtag success considering how unsuccessful I am... But I'm not a loser. Yes, I have rented movies from the public library on a Friday night... But who hasn’t? Oh, you haven’t? Well... only God can judge me.

    My focus is on being an artist/comedian/entrepreneur. Some say my lifestyle is the definition of funemployment. I disagree, just because I’m trying to carve out my niche through a career in the arts does not mean I’m constantly having fun all day... Nope, quite the opposite.  

    Building a brand/business is much harder than I thought, especially since I’m doing something as difficult and subjective as comedy.

    For example, yesterday I spent 45 minutes trying to figure out how to change the font on my website. Not fun! It was tedious problem solving. But, sometimes that happens, it’s just part of starting/running a business.

    I just try to get a little better each day. My neurosis (we’ve all have em) make everyday a challenge for me. Mine cause me lots of problems, (anxiety mostly). I’m a future tripper, I’m a worrier, (For sure, I’d rather be a warrior).

    Through extensive personality tests, tarot card readings, and various psychedelic experiences I’ve learned a lot about myself, and how to better play to my strengths.

    Wherever I go I try to put out positive energy, because when I started my journey I believed I lacked self-discipline I attempted to pull out all the stops… I got an acting coach, a life coach, and a personal trainer. I didn’t want anything to stop me from succeeding especially myself.

    One of the most important things I’ve learned since embarking on this journey is I need to keep feeding my desire to feel like I’m learning and getting better every day. For some reason I have really big attitude problems when I don’t feel like I’m growing, learning, or moving forward. I think I get upset when I feel like I’m not moving towards my goals because I fear that my enemy is catching up, potentially passing me, and possibly leaving me in the dust.

    Exactly the reason why I hired so many people to help me. It wasn’t even a bad idea it was just expensive, and I was already bad with money. Honestly, my poor finances sparked my interest in Bitcoin. I figure I can't handle real money so why not try digital currency and pretend it's a video game?

Homework: Write down a list of your 3 foibles i.e. your issues.

Example: I get angry when I have a bad set. I’m super messy. I’m inconsistent in pursuit of my goals.

    Once you have your 3 foibles, analyze them by asking, Why? Break them down until you have the answers you need to vanquish your demons. Cut that suckers head off!

Good luck,


BLOG POST #10 15 minutes O’fame?

by Tim Trueheart

I was in a Volkswagen commercial for the #PinkBeetle

    Okay, so I was recently in a commercial for a the new Volkswagen Pink Beetle... First off, relax, because I was neither a principal nor was I in it for more than a half a second. And No, I didn’t have any speaking lines either. That would have to be some pretty fast talking for half a second… I mean, I guess that might make sense if the Pink Beetle was also a Micro Machine, remember them? God I used to love those tiny little things, although I also had an irrational fear that I’d somehow get one stuck up my nose and it would somehow travel (it is a vehicle after all) into my throat blocking my airway and causing me to choke to death not unlike countless other kids (mostly boys, it’s always boys, girls are much smarter, thank god I’m having a girl, yes I already know the sex, people who think we (my gf and I) are somehow weird for not waiting to find out the sex of our child can suck it, and yes there are parentheses inside of parentheses in this post because I CAN futhamucka, simply because I can.) OR, the tiny ‘Mirco Machine,’ might also go down my esophagus or as I like to call it, me gullet, and into my tummy where it would remain comfortably parked in a compact space between two very different brands of chewing gum that I’d swallowed earlier, either while working out, or while asleep, ahem while “passing out” at the end of a drunken night fueled by three too many Heinekens, or honestly shots of Fireball! ... WHAT? I-get-BROEY! But, I don’t mean it like the BROEY link suggests. (Yes, if you click on BROEY there is a link, but I don't mean BROEY like that) I mean it like, “bro-esque” ... BROEY just sounds better to me is all. NO, REALLY, NO, REALLY THAT’S ALL! OK? Yo, I said that’s all... Stop doing that thing with your eyebrows … aww come on, you’ve gotta believe me, i don’t do that, you know what? I’m just going to stop talking about it now).

    ANYWAY, I’m not saying that I’m disappointed with that much of screen time because I’m not, I am actually quite encouraged. Because every ‘regular person’ gets their 15 minutes of fame, and I only used up half a second, got a free outfit, paid $80 bucks, and added another line to my sexy ass showbizz resume out of it… So, I’m doing okay with a split second of face time, I’ll get mine later. This type of shit happens everyday to everyone trying to do “this thing”, not to be confused with “Our thing,” and please don’t ever confuse those two things, please. But you’ve gotta do the work, you’ve gotta do your due diligence. There is no way around the 10,000 hours me friend. Nope, ain’t no way but working through time.

    On the last episode of The Jellyvision Show we talked about timing, and I have been thinking about it a lot lately. I’ve been asking myself when it would be “my time,” much like the great combat athletes and rappers always say.

    I’ve come to the conclusion that my time hasn’t come yet, and I can’t sit around waiting for it. YOU CAN’T WAIT FOR YOUR TIME TO COME. You must do you, be conscientious, gritty, and patient and your time will eventually come. I suggest acting as if you are DR. MANHATTAN when it comes to time, at least then you can feel like you’re a god.

Also, who needs fame? I just want to be a professional, being famous for being famous for doing nothing is WHACK as all get out. If you need any more advice, Don’t wait, make it happen. Like Mos Def said,

Oh No

Mos Def, Pharoahe Monch

I earned what they said I wouldn't

I got it the way they said I couldn't

But now I'm gettin' it and their whole grill is crooked

Mad cause I'm getting caked out from my bookings

When ya'll was askin' permission I just stepped up and took it

What!? The kid's better buy my rookie card now

'Cause after this year the price ain't comin' down

And if you got a joint bubbling then get money now




by Tim Trueheart

   There is this artistic concept called the heroic gesture, and it’s an amazing vehicle for production.  I first heard about this in art school in regards to Jackson Pollock. He’s an Abstract Expressionist if anyone asks you. You know things like this when you go 20k in debt getting an Art degree. Wait…  What? You learned that on the internet, for free? fuck me…

    Anyway, apparently, Pollock would lock himself in his studio on a Friday afternoon and paint until he was “finished,” which was presumably late Sunday afternoon. Afterwards an exhausted Pollock would have all those drip paintings he became so famous for, and we’d have an excellent example of the artist’s heroic gesture.  

                                                       Jackson Pollock, No. 5, 1948 

                                                       Jackson Pollock, No. 5, 1948 

    Once, after already doing conditioning drills with an Olympic trainer for 2 hours (starting at 4:45 a.m.) Kobe Bryant then did shooting drills until he made 800 jumpers… another heroic gesture!  

By Keith Allison from Hanover, MD, USA - Kobe Bryant, CC BY-SA 2.0

By Keith Allison from Hanover, MD, USA - Kobe Bryant, CC BY-SA 2.0

The self proclaimed genius Kanye West, (my hero, next to Rogan of course) is also familiar with the Heroic Gesture.


Kanye West, Consequence, GLC

Y'all don't know my struggle

Y'all can't match my hustle

You can't catch my hustle

You can't fathom my love dude

Lock yourself in a room doin' five beats a day for three summers

That's a different world like three summers

I deserve to do these numbers

The kid that made that deserves that Maybach

So many records in my basement

I'm just waitin' on my spaceship, blaow  

You have time today. Leave your mark on life while you have time.

Here’s a pep talk from Joe Rogan. He knows a little something about the heroic gesture.

Be the hero of your own movie!




by Tim Trueheart


   As an Artist/Entrepreneur this is a question I constantly ask myself. You have to always be reflecting on it because it’s actually always changing (like a lava lamp) and you’ve gotta keep up with it, or you could end up losing yourself. Yeah, let’s not do that, right? It’s definitely a good question because answering it requires critical thinking (you know that thing you were supposed to learn in “college”?) Whenever someone asks me I’m always like, “Um, let me get back to you on that.” Then I find the closest bathroom, climb out the window, drive home, lock my doors, and turn off my phone until sunrise. But seriously, you need time to think about that to really answering that question. Go somewhere and meditate on it and you should get an answer. It is important that you do answer it or else could end up lost like a tumbleweed,  jellyfish, or an Art major… Wait a minute, that’s me!

When you know who you are you will know who you aren’t and then you’ll be able to figure out where you fit into this whole thing we call existence/reality/insert third metaphysical themed phrase here.

Before you know who your target audience is you must first ask yourself, who am I? Who are you? Here, close your eyes and absorb this great song, it will help you on your way.

Cool tune huh? I hope that that jam by The Who helped you delve into yourself a lil bit.

    If you’re still having trouble then may I suggest a survey of my favorite musical artform, Gangsta Rap. What does rap music have to do with finding myself? Everything bitch, yes everything… and sorry about calling you a bitch, I didn’t mean it, I just get excited sometimes. I’m just a very passionate person.

    So, one of the key elements of rap is the rapper’s debut album, specifically their song about how dope they are. Oops, I meant how dope they is. Ah, that’s better. By the way, rappers didn’t invent the I’M SO AMAZING trope, I think it was actually The Medici, they’re Italians but I digress. Anyway, the rapper usually makes these extremely self-referential and aggrandising songs about how amazing they, their crew, and oftentimes the city they “represent” is, and this let’s you know their; Who, What, Where, When, Why, and how. You need this to succeed. See how I didn’t call you a bitch right there, nice right?

    Okay, your assignment is to write your own song about you, your art, or whatever your business in the style of your favorite futhamuckin gangsta rapper. I know you’re freaking out already and you’re not wearing your shitting pants either. Don’t worry, here are some examples bitch.  

Dancehall Reggae also has examples of this, but you don’t have to take my word for it.

He's not my dad... is he?

He's not my dad... is he?

    Seriously this is all Beenie Man does. He talks about his dick and how much the girls love it, and it works! He’s the girls dem sugar that’s all, if you didn’t catch that on any one of those boss tracks I feel sorry for your mother.  

   PRO-TIP: Use popular instrumentals from existing rap songs if you need help. Also don’t skimp on the explicit content and profanity, you’re writing the song about how amazing you are and how whack them other weak dick futhamuckas are, so show no mercy! Remember, you’re Good, now be GREAT!



PS: You’re not really a bitch, I’m just playing, and I love you.