I do stand-up because I can't afford therapy. And, I like holding people captive while they stare at me awkwardly… I crave your love and validation. Your laughter fuels me.

I want success... So, I watch motivational YouTube videos all day at my minimum wage paying job.

In order to succeed, your desire for success must be greater than the sound of your dad yelling you're an idiot. No one but you should stop you from doing what you’re try to do. (As long as it’s not hurting anyone else, no genocide, please). Making it to the top is definitely hard but it can be done. The only way to ensure that you won’t make it to the top is by quitting. (Gross)

I don’t like quitters. I actually kind of hate them. You can’t quit on something that you’re trying to achieve. Quitting on your goals is quitting on yourself. And, I don’t eat at QUITTER-BURGER. Because their food is always UNCOOKED, and I hate their WEAKSAUCE!

I grew up listening to 90's R&B, Hip-Hop, and Gangsta Rap... And nowhere in any of that music does it say it’s okay to just quit, especially because someone said you, “Played like buttmunch.”

I think that when you allow someone to stop you from achieving something, then you didn’t really want that "something" very much.

Great musicians didn’t quit just because all their friend’s said that they play guitar like a queer. No they kept playing guitar like a queer until they finally quit on their own. IT WAS THEIR CHOICE! And, great musicians can be so hypnotic sometimes you don't even notice they stopped playing until they're finished thrusting inside you.

If you allow someone to deter you from your goal then you don’t deserve that goal!

OH, is that an excuse I hear?

FUUUUUUUUCK. YOOOOOOUUUUUU.

I know you know the expression, “Excuses are like assholes and everybody’s got one,” and yes, everyone has an asshole. The point is that it’s not cool to make excuses and you should already know that but what a lot of people DON’T know is what actually happens when you make an excuse.

When you make an excuse you actually grow another asshole. Yes, you do. Crazy isn’t it? It’s an oddly interesting fact but facts are facts... So unfortunately, now you’re a DOUBLE ASSHOLE! Because of your excuse, yes. And that’s actually why people don’t like excuse-making-asshole-futhamuckas that always be making lame ass excuses and shit. Futhamucka done fucked around lying and shit, and now they got TWO assholes! And nobody likes that, (we’ll, at least no one I can think of anyway).

@TimTrueheart but my cat really did steal my car
— The Freckled Fox (@pinkfoxsox) October 11, 2016

Peace,

-TIM